Homosexuality and same sex marriage has become a very hot topic and those who believe the Bible says it is a sin or that the government should not recognize same sex marriage have become reluctant to speak out.  There are several reasons for this, but one of them is not being able to deal with the personal attacks, faulty arguments, and accusations of those who believe homosexuality is natural and the government should recognize same sex marriage.  Too many have also been convinced that they were wrong in believing that homosexuality is wrong.  That is why I am taking the time to write a series of blogs dealing with some of the more common arguments used by the pro-homosexual crowd, specifically those proposed by Soulforce.  This being the second post in the series, you can read the first post here.

Premise #2

“Historically, people’s misinterpretation of the Bible has left a trail of suffering, bloodshed, and death.”

This premise has a grain of truth to it.  Certainly there are times when people have misinterpreted the Bible and then proceeded to do terrible things.   The list of examples given, in some cases, lacks historical context.  Even if all of the examples given are true that does not mean the Bible is being misinterpreted in this case.  Correct interpretation has lead to great good being done throughout history.  Think of the work Samaratans Purse, International Justice Mission, Compassion International, and many, many more.  Women being freed to vote, the end to slavery, churches that run to the aide of whatever community has been harmed by hurricane, tornado, or other natural disaster are all done in the name of Jesus, Christianity, and the Bible.

I’m not sure how the fact that misinterpretation of the Bible has lead to harm and bloodshed matters in this case.  In order for this to matter the author needs to show that the Bible has been misinterpreted in this case.  So far this person has not done this.  Fortunately the author admits, “Most of the people I know who say “the Bible condemns homosexuality” would never condone these acts.   Most Christians have no idea that the people killing gay and lesbian persons go around quoting those few verses of Scripture as justification.”  So let me be clear this kind of action or any kind of hate expressed towards gay people should be condemned by all Christians.

Premise #3

“We must be open to new truth from Scripture.”

This premise is based on the idea that some have misinterpreted the Bible and should be open to correcting their belief.  This of course goes both ways.  In other words the author of this article could be the one who is wrong and no belief is without consequences.  We should not be open to new truths, but we should be open to changing our minds if our beliefs are mistaken.  Still the author has not given any valid reason for believing the Bible does not teach that homosexuality is a sin and given what appear to be pretty strait forward passages on this issue the burden of proof would be on those who are pro-homosexual.

I do agree with the author when they say, “I believe with all my heart that the Holy Spirit is still teaching us. When we reconsider the texts that are used by some people to condemn God’s gay children, we must fervently seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance, or we risk being misled by our own prejudices.”  What I don’t believe is that the Holy Spirit is teaching something different from what the original text intended.  There is nothing in Scripture that suggests the Holy Spirit would ever do that.

Premise #4

“The Bible is a book about God — not a book about human sexuality.”

Certainly sex is not the purpose of the Bible, but that does not mean the Bible doesn’t have anything legitimate to say about sex.  The Bible isn’t about war, but it does address the issue of war and gives us good principles by which we can judge whether a war is just or not.  The bible isn’t about parenting, but it does have a lot of valuable things to say about parenting in the book of Proverbs for instance.

No the Bible isn’t about sex, but it does say a lot of things about sex.  What is interesting is that right after saying the Bible isn’t about sex the author then lists several verses dealing with sex.  The Bible talks about incest, rape, fornication, procreation, beastiality, adultery, purity, and homosexuality.  Song of Songs is a book in the Bible that talks a lot about sex.  There are more than 70 verses in the NIV that use the word “sexual.”  There are countless more passages that deal with sexual topics.  It makes sense that if God created people he would have a lot to say about how they would relate to each other and since sex is the means by which procreation takes place it would also make sense for him to have something to say about that.

Next week we will begin to deal with some of those passages that talk specifically about homosexuality.

This video echos the mantra of so many people today.  Saying, “I hate religion, but I love Jesus” doesn’t say what people think it does.  What people don’t understand is that as soon as you say you believe in something…like Jesus…you have dogma which means you have religion.  Jesus was not anti-religion, he was anti-bad religion.  There is a difference and it is worth pointing out.  Instead of bashing all religion we should be defending good and true religion.  James 1:27 says, “ Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

Republican may not mean Christian, but neither does Democrat.

Religion may have started some wars, but not all religions are equal in this way.  Some religions seem to be more violent than others.  For instance the Crusades were to defend Jerusalem against the Muslims.  In the last century more people have been killed in wars that were based not on religion but ideology.  Communism and Naziism are non-religions ideologies responsible for very bloody wars.  In reality non-religious ideology has cause more death and war than religion…so it seems that as a general rule religion is less bloody than non-religion.  To read more about this, click here.  When you begin to consider the good done by religious organizations like Samaritan’s Purse, International Justice Mission, Compassion International, and many, many others it seems religion and especially Christianity does not start wars but instead ends unjust wars and protects those who are in need of protection.

Religion does build churches, but most of them are not huge.  Even the huge churches often do feed the poor or support organizations that do.  This platitude sounds good, but is simply untrue.

Our church along with many others has a ministry specifically to help those who have gone through divorce to heal.

Some religion is behavior modification, but not all.  If he is talking about Christianity, he needs a theology lesson.  Salvation (justification) comes by grace, but that is not license to sin.  Sanctification is the process of becoming more holy.  Sanctification does include behavior modification.  If Christians go on sinning they are called hypocrites, but if they don’t then they are legalistic.  It’s a no win situation.

“I aint judgin, I’m just sayin quit puttin on a fake look”  That sounds like judging to me, he seems to be claiming that many are being hypocrites.

“I love the church, I love the Bible, and yes I believe in sin.”  Apparently the church is not part of a religion…I’m confused.

Jesus and religion are not opposite.  Jesus is the work of God, but the church is the Bride of Christ not a man made invention.

“Religion says do, but Jesus says done.”  Let’s not forget the Bible says do and so does Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount among other places.  There are plenty of commandments in the Bible and if I’m not mistaken there are ten written by the finger of God himself (The Ten Commandments).  It is true the actions of Jesus accomplished what the law could not, but that does not give us reason to ignore the commands of God.

Let me end this post by saying this guy gets the gospel right and I am thankful for that.  My concern is that he seems to group the church and religion together and he does a pretty good job of bashing them both.  The church is the Bride of Christ, the chosen vehicle to deliver the gospel to the world.  Though the church needs to be corrected from time to time, we should defend, cherish, and love her.  Christianity is a religion in spite of of this popular platitude.

Recently Rick Lawrence of Group Magazine published the results of a survey of 20,000 plus teens answering the following questions:

• What would you like to do More of in your church’s youth ministry? (these results were published in the latest print version of Group)
• What is your biggest challenge in growing deeper in your relationship with God?
• What is your biggest regret in your relationship with God?
• What is your biggest hope in your relationship with God?
• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I found the published results to the first question to be mostly bothersome and frustrating.  It seemed to me that there was too much emphasis on games and activities, hang out time, and other similar types of things.  What was encouraging was what came in at #1 even if only by a little bit…Learning about Jesus.  This isn’t the story though.  The story, in my opinion, is what is found in the rest of the survey published online here.

As a dad for the last 13 years I have slowly learned that what my child wants is much different than what that child needs.  Is it really surprising that students want to have more fun?  No, of course not.  What is surprising is the number of parents, youth pastors, and leaders that listen to this and go no further.  Teenagers are adolescent minds that have not fully developed.  This does not discredit their answers; it just means that those of us with fully developed minds (some more than others) should take this into consideration when reading these results.  Example:

• The #1 answer regarding what they want more of may be learning about Jesus, but Help in understanding the Bible (our primary source regarding Jesus) doesn’t show up until #12 followed by learning about the New Testament, sermons that focus on the Bible doesn’t show up until #36, a Bible study that focuses on a book of the Bible doesn’t show up until #38.

America has been blessed and teens in America have seen the blessing but not the cost.  Because of this and other cultural factors they often see what they want, but don’t realize what is required.  This survey brings this perception to the forefront.

The most significant question asked was “What’s the biggest challenge in growing deeper in your relationship with God?”  The answers were no surprise.  The top 3 answers can be boiled down to two:  schedule and parents.  Even busyness is a parent issue.  Parents model the importance of spiritual things by how they manage their time and it is the parents role to help students learn to manage their time.

There are many other significant observations that could be made.  I think this survey is important and should be read and gone over by every youth ministry professional that can get their hands on it, but I want to end by bringing things full circle.

Students may want to learn about Jesus, but don’t want to study the Bible, they want to go to church because it is fun or because their friends are there, but they don’t want to listen to good teaching.  Some may want to be more spiritual but aren’t willing to participate in spiritual disciplines.  The job of the Youth Pastor is to help students fall more in love with God.  That doesn’t mean we don’t do the fun stuff they want, but it does mean we often do things they need,  but don’t necessarily want.

So what?  Well, that is up to you as a parent, youth pastor, or youth leader.   As we think about our philosophy of ministry we could ask these kinds of questions:

• Am I giving students enough of what they need?
• Am I helping students understand what is required in order to get what they want?
• How do we give students enough of what they want (keeping it attractive) and at the same time make sure they are getting what they need?
• What is it that students need?  What is the most effective way to give that to them?

Not to long ago I had a long Facebook discussion about the issue of homosexuality.  That particular discussion was more political in nature and did not address (at least not in depth) what the Bible has to say on the issue.  An organization called Soulforce has, as one of its resources, an online article that addresses what the Bible says about this issue.  I might point out that according to their web site Soulforce does not claim to be a faith based organization.  Still, the arguments used are the typical arguments used by those in the homosexual community.  It is for that reason I will be addressing these arguments over the next several weeks.  Their article can be found here.  Well, here it goes.

There are a couple of things I noticed about the introduction to this article that were bothersome to me.  The author does not reveal who they are.  I looked for a by line at the beginning and the end of the article and did not see one.  Second, it was also bothersome to me that this person claims to have studied at a conservative seminary, but does not say which one.  The identity of this person and the identity of the seminary do not change the validity of the arguments presented, but I find it odd.

The author has 8 premises and the first one is this, “Most people have not carefully and prayerfully researched the biblical texts often used to condemn God’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender children.”

There is probably some truth to this statement.  Most people are not pastors and have not learned the skills necessary to study these things on a scholarly level.  Most people probably haven’t taken the time to read a book or look up all the passages in Scripture that deal with homosexuality.  The assumption in this statement is that if they had carefully studied this issue they would come to a pro-homosexual position.  Just because most people haven’t studied it, that doesn’t mean that all of those who believe the message of scripture speaks of homosexuality as a sin have not studied it.  As a matter of fact many who continue to speak against homosexuality have studied this issue very carefully.

The author spends time in the introduction talking about the importance of “rightly dividing the word of truth” and then under the first premise this person speaks about Biblical ignorance.  This person then lists three things about the Bible which they believe most Christians do not know.  Those things are:

• Jesus says nothing about same-sex behavior.  (true, but Jesus does talk about marriage)
• The Jewish prophets are silent about homosexuality. (again true)
• Only six or seven of the Bible’s one million verses refer to same-sex behavior in any way — and none of these verses refer to homosexual orientation as it’s understood today.  (This statement is not true)

This last statement is disturbing.  For a person who claims to have 50+ years of studying the Bible and claims ignorance on the part of others, it amazes me that they would think there are one million verses in the Bible.  There aren’t even one million words in the bible and there are approximately 30,000 verses in the Bible (Check this here).

I realize we have not yet started to deal with Scripture itself, but we will begin to do that next week as we deal with the next two premises the author presents.  They are:

“Historically, people’s misinterpretation of the Bible has left a trail of suffering, bloodshed, and death.”

and

“We must be open to new truth from Scripture.”

I have been often told that Christians would be viewed in a more positive light if they were for things, not against them.  This has often been said to me by Christians and non-Christians alike.  So here are some things Christians should be for:

• Christians should first and foremost be for loving God.  What it means to love God is a little more complicated, but 1 John 3 suggests that obedience is how we show God love.  This often means accepting God’s commandments as good and true even if we don’t particularly like those commandments.
• Christians should be for loving others.  Of course this is often misunderstood as well.  We like to talk about love being kind, patient, gentle and so on;  perhaps we should consider all of 1 Corinthians 13 when we think about how to describe love.  Love “does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth.”  This means if we are to be for loving others we cannot simply accept wrongdoing even if a person claims that wrongdoing is part of who they are.  This leads us to the next thing we should be for:
• Christians should be for the truth.  Being for truth often means exposing that which is untrue…of course that is where Christians are told they should be for more things rather than against them.
• Christians should be for showing compassion, but that does not mean we don’t speak truth.  Instead this just means we speak truth in the most compassionate way possible, we minister to those in need, and do what we can to lift up the oppressed.
• Christians should be for right/holy living.
• Christians should be for marriage between a man and a woman.
• Christians should be for protecting the life of the unborn.
• Christians should be for getting as many people involved in a relationship with Jesus as possible.
• Christians should be for seeing people go to heaven.
• Christians should be for a good work ethic.
• Christians should be for personal responsibility.
• Christians should be for the public expression of faith.

Being for certain things means that you are also against some things, so here are a few things Christians should be against:

• Christians should be against anything that undermines what they are for.
• Christians should be against changing our theology because of life circumstances (though life circumstances are a good reason to reevaluate our theology).  In the end our theology should come from Scripture and be applied to life.
• Christians should be against separating our faith from public life or any area of life.
• Christians should be against evil.
• Christians should be against hell.

When Christians speak against some things it is because of what we are for.

Is God causing the Broncos to win?  Sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud, but could it be?  Some sports commentators have said things like, “Surely God is not interested in football games, if he was then wouldn’t the team with the most Christians always win.  Doesn’t God have better things to do?”  It’s just a game, why would God care?

I’ll answer the question I posed in a strait forward way, but first let’s think about this.  Is God interested in the details of our lives?  I think the answer to this question is obvious…YES.  Matthew 6:25-34 seems to make this clear.  God does care about each of us, but that doesn’t mean whoever offers up the most prayers for their team will help their team win.  Maybe God has other purposes in mind.

What is God’s purpose?  This is the crux of the issue.  Many have suggested that the reason God created mankind was to love mankind and be loved by mankind.  It appears that God’s covenant with Abraham had within it the purpose of making God known among the nations.  If you follow this general idea through the Old Testament it seems to be consistent.  In the New Testament the same would be true.  Before Jesus left the earth he told the disciples to share the gospel, make disciples, and be a witness.

Does Tim Tebow leading the Broncos to comeback win after comeback win accomplish these purposes?  Perhaps.  If Tebow prays for God to get involved and help the Broncos win maybe God would be inclined to get involved in order to Give Tebow a larger platform from which to proclaim God’s greatness.

After doing an extensive search in the Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic texts I have found no mention of Tebow or the Broncos.  In the end I have no idea whether God is causing the Broncos to win or giving them a helping hand in some way.  I don’t think it is a stretch to think it is possible, but I would not presume to know the mind of God apart from what he has revealed and He hasn’t said anything to me.

The story I’m about to tell is actually many stories.  Though I will tell it is one story, there have been many like this over the years.  It started out with some parents coming to me to ask for help.  Their student (15) had become disrespectful and defiant.  The parents had done everything they knew how to do and they were stuck, concerned, and at the end of their rope.

Over the years I have sat down with many students and had many conversations after a similar conversation with parents. Though the behavior is often a particular issue (drugs, partying, defiance, etc…) it seems to me the source of the problem is generally (not always) found in one of a couple places. First, it often starts when the kids are young. Perhaps you have heard the saying, “everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten.” While this is grossly overstated there is a certain sense in which it is true. Many of the patterns in life are determined very early. Those who allow their young children to manipulate and control them by throwing tantrums and being defiant can expect that pattern to continue as the child grows older. Many parents are short sighted in this regard. Instead of teaching their children the proper way to deal with disappointment they simply try to manage the tantrums and defiance. In other words they try to keep it in the realm of what they can put up with. The idea is that these children will outgrow these behaviors. In some ways they are correct. As children develop mentally they acquire new tools of manipulation, more effective ones. In reality it is more of a trade in than anything. Proverbs 23:13-14 warns parents not to withhold discipline from our children. This isn’t only true when they are young, it is true as they grow older and become teenagers. The method of discipline may change, but the principle remains until they leave their parents for full blown adulthood. The more we as parents discipline when our children are young, the less we will have to do it when they grow older.

The second source is culture. The American culture is nor friendly to parenting. Whether it is the entertainment on TV, the education system promoting silly ideas, or the music being pumped into our student heads, it is very often filled with messages that promote the intelligence of kids and the idiocy of adults. I probably haven’t heard it all, but I have heard so many students communicate in some way that they somehow know so much more than adults. I hear things like, “I googled it and…” “my teacher told me…” “I saw ______ on TV and they said….” Honestly it is out of hand and it is our fault. As parents we need to speak prophetically in order to help them filter out what is good and trustworthy and what is not. This starts at a young age and continues into early adulthood. Our students are not being taught a Biblical worldview in their schools, they are not being taught American exceptionalism, and they are not being taught Biblical principles. It is a never ending job to guard ourselves and then our students from these ideological missteps.

For much of my youth ministry career I have tried to be careful regarding the advice that I would give parents about parenting. There are two reasons I am more willing to give advice in this area now than I used to be. The first is experience. I have a daughter headed into junior high, and though she has not yet successfully navigated the teenage years, I more fully understand parenting. Not that I have it all figured out, I don’t and that is why humility is always a key ingredient when dishing out advice of any kind. The second reason is youth ministry itself. That is to say I have been working with teenagers for 18 years. I would say that experience legitimizes any insight I may have into the minds, hearts, and behaviors of teenagers. I think it would be fair to say that I have achieved a certain level of expertise not on parenting necessarily, but on teenagers themselves.

If you are a youth pastor with some experience, you should not be shy about giving general advice on the mind, heart, and behavior of teenagers, but you should be humble and recognize your limits.

If you are a parent, don’t fall into the trap of thinking students know how they should be parented.  Likewise don’t fall into the trap of listening to culture.  God’s word (start with Proverbs) gives all kinds of great advice.

I hear that Osama Bin Laden was dead last night.  My first reaction was simply to pause.  I didn’t know what to think.  My emotional response to things is often delayed as I try to figure out what I should be feeling.  I went to bed after seeing a few shots of people celebrating outside the White House.  This morning I heard the DJ on the local radio station talk about how his emotions were conflicted.  He was glad because this man had to be taken care of, he was a dangerous man.  He was sad because this was an image bearer of God.  His sense was that we should not be celebrating and cheering.  Though I don’t disagree with either his reasoning for being glad or his reasoning for being upset, I do think his conclusion was wrong.

At first glance this position makes sense.  Actually it is Biblical to have compassion for your enemy and to even pray for them.  Should we pray for a man that was responsible for sending 3,000+ Americans to their grave?  Yes, we should.  We should have been praying that he would repent, turn from Islam, and become a lover of Jesus (The Biblical Jesus).  Should we have compassion on him?  I guess that depends on what you mean by compassion.  If by compassion we mean, we should not kill this man, then no we should not have compassion on him.  If by compassion we should feel sadness regarding his eternal fate and that if given the chance we should have attempted to share the gospel with him in the hopes that he would repent, and if by compassion you mean that we should not pray for his family and followers that they would see the error in Islam and repent, then yes we should have compassion.

The Bible does not simply speak about compassion and praying for our enemies, it also speaks about justice.  The God we serve is a just one and that is one of the primary roles of government given in Romans 13.  David celebrated killing Goliath by cutting off his head and going after the rest of the philistines, Israel often celebrated victories by writing songs and worshiping God.  No, we are not Israel, but justice is God’s and when justice is done it is appropriate to celebrate.  We must maintain a distinction between celebrating justice and unfettered elation because someone is dead no matter what kind of terrible acts they have committed.

I will end by quoting this Psalm in its entirety:
I Will Recount Your Wonderful Deeds
9 TO THE CHOIRMASTER: ACCORDING TO MUTH-LABBEN. A PSALM OF DAVID.

1      I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
2      I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

3      When my enemies turn back,
they stumble and perish before your presence.
4      For you have maintained my just cause;
you have sat on the throne, giving righteous judgment.

5      You have rebuked the nations; you have made the wicked perish;
you have blotted out their name forever and ever.
6      The enemy came to an end in everlasting ruins;
their cities you rooted out;
the very memory of them has perished.

7      But the LORD sits enthroned forever;
he has established his throne for justice,
8      and he judges the world with righteousness;
he judges the peoples with uprightness.

9      The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
10      And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.

11      Sing praises to the LORD, who sits enthroned in Zion!
Tell among the peoples his deeds!
12      For he who avenges blood is mindful of them;
he does not forget the cry of the afflicted.

13      Be gracious to me, O LORD!
See my affliction from those who hate me,
O you who lift me up from the gates of death,
14      that I may recount all your praises,
that in the gates of the daughter of Zion
I may rejoice in your salvation.

15      The nations have sunk in the pit that they made;
in the net that they hid, their own foot has been caught.
16      The LORD has made himself known; he has executed judgment;
the wicked are snared in the work of their own hands.   Higgaion. Selah

17      The wicked shall return to Sheol,
all the nations that forget God.

18      For the needy shall not always be forgotten,
and the hope of the poor shall not perish forever.

19      Arise, O LORD! Let not man prevail;
let the nations be judged before you!
20      Put them in fear, O LORD!
Let the nations know that they are but men!   Selah

The Holy Bible : English Standard Version. (Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2001), Ps 9:title–20.

We must teach kids and teens about marriage.  No, I’m not from some back hills county where it is okay to marry 14 year olds (or younger).  That said, there is this casual approach to relationships as if they are not a big deal.  Not that long ago I had a conversation with a 4th or 5th grader that brought this to light.

Let me set the backdrop.  This was a Sunday morning at The Rock, there wasn’t really anything different about this particular Sunday.  I was wondering around during one of the services.  We do not have Sunday morning programing for our Senior High Students, but I like to hang out between services and talk to them so during the services I often don’t have much to do.  On this Sunday I had engaged in another conversation with this student just a few minutes earlier.  I ran into him again when he was with his class who was on their way to another room and I heard the teacher say, “Fred (not his real name) don’t you be sneaking off with Susie (not her real name) to get some kissy face.”  I stopped cold in my tracks.  I looked at Fred and said, “is she your girlfriend?”  Fred, “yes.”  Me, “oh, do you think you are going to marry her?”  Fred with a lot of attitude, “NO.”  Me, “Why are you dating her if you know you’re not going to marry her?”  Fred with more attitude, “YOU’RE WEIRD!!”

I desperately hope that conversation bothers you as much as it bothers me.  I realize there are some people who think kids dating is cute, but I know the mom who got called to school because her 8th grade daughter was caught having sex literally in a closet, the conversations I have over and over again with teens who are having sex with their boy/girlfriend because they have not been taught at an early age what the dangers are (I’m not talking about std’s and pregnancy), the multiple conversations I have had with guys who’s girlfriends got pregnant and then had abortions, or the junior high students who start dating and even the leaders think that couple will be the exception and they will not have sex and remain pure for the next 8 years and then they will get married.  Dating at any age isn’t “cute”  it is a serious activity for a serious purpose.  There are couples who are cute, but dating itself is not cute.

The problem is actually pretty simple to identify, the problem is that dating has become the goal not marriage.  This reminds me of another conversation I had with my daughter.  I was at a school function with her class and she came up to me and asked me this questions, “Daddy, can I start dating when I am 15?”  My answer started simple and quick, “no, why do you ask?”  My daughter, “my friend gets to start dating when she is 15 so I wanted to know if I could.”  Now that I had a moment to think about the question she asked me I responded with some thoughtful questions of my own.  “Catrina (my daughter) when do you think you will get married?”  her, “I don’t know.”  Me, “well do you think it will be when you are 16, 18, 23, 25?”  Her, “Daddy, you said I couldn’t get married until I was 30.”  Me, “you can get married earlier than that, but let’s say you end up getting married early like your mom and dad did, lets say you were going to get married at 20.”  Her, “ok.”  Me, “how long do you think it will take you to find a husband?”  Her, “…oooooh.”

In that moment she realized what the purpose of dating was and I developed my entire strategy for how we will approach this issue as she gets older.  I know she is going to want to date earlier, and I know I might grow tired of fighting with her about it, but I also know that you can’t hit the target if you don’t keep your eye on it.

Put simply I teach my students about marriage not dating, I teach them what kind of decisions they should be making now in order to have a good marriage later.  I teach them about the goal and then work backwards so they can clearly see how the right process leads to the goal.

This probably isn’t what you think…I know it has been in vogue to attack the church from within, calling it judgmental, irrelevant, and out of touch. I’m not going to do that. Actually I am tired of being labeled “judgmental” and I believe it is largely unwarranted. So this post will be a short defense of the church in general. Before I get to the defense part, let me provide a disclaimer of sorts. This is not a defense of every church everywhere. There are church’s that are legalistic, judgmental, and at times even cruel. This post will be based on my observations within the church and my observations about the all too common “judgmental” attacks leveled against the church.

Many years ago I had a student leader decide to take his small group drinking. What followed was difficult decisions, confrontations, and church discipline. He did not get kicked out of the church, the youth group, or publicly humiliated; at least not by us. What did happen was this, his parents were notified by me because he refused to tell them. The rest of the students involved all told their parents on their own. He was removed from the leadership team…that’s it. We didn’t announce what happened, choose to disassociate ourselves, or hit him over the head with a Bible. I did spend some time in tears because I was disappointed and I very much loved this student. What followed was interesting from a human behavior standpoint.

Over the next weeks and months he dropped out of youth group and began to go down a bad road. When I talked to him about what was going on I was told the church was…wait for it…judgmental. He said that when he walked into church he felt judged because everyone knew about him and were talking about him behind his back. Though I believe that those things are possible, I do not believe they were true in this case, at least not by those who were in leadership. I loved him and so did the friends who “told” on him. We wanted nothing more than for him to be reconciled and kept in the body of believers where we could help him mature as a person mentally and spiritually. I heard his excuses about being looked at differently and judged several times. This isn’t the only story like this that I could talk about, there are probably dozens over my nearly 20 years of ministry. The all have a few things in common:

First, they all have someone who has practiced or is continuing to practice something that the church sees as morally wrong. For many this is the rub. They want to continue in this behavior without consequence from the church. I guess you might say this is the standard definition of judgmentalism. If it is judgmental for the church to take stands on moral issues, then I guess the church is judgmental. I might point out that the accusation of judgmentalism is itself an accusation of wrong doing. So by this definition anyone who levels that accusation is guilty of being judgmental. This reminds me of a scripture regarding two different sizes of wood and an eye (Mt. 7:1-6).

Second, it seems to be the fear of judgmentalism not an actual act of jugmentalism that is the problem. What I mean is this: If I have done a good job of communicating the expectations and rules of my house to my children and they break those rules or do not meet those expectations they fear me (daddy). They will avoid me and try to stay out of my way, not because I have “judged” them, but because they fear my judgment.

Over and over again I see a fear of being judged more than I see people being judgmental. A man cheats on his wife and stops going to church because he doesn’t want to face the music, a girl gets pregnant out of wedlock and doesn’t want to go to church because people will “judge” her, or a student consistently does drugs and stops attending youth group because they know they are not living up to the standards the church teaches. This is not the church being judgmental, it is the church taking certain moral stands and people feeling guilty. It is the conviction of the Holy Spirit or our own moral compass telling us we have done something wrong. I guess there is the option of not taking any moral stand at all (which of course is itself a moral stand of sorts). We could not condemn any action at all, but what message would that send? I can hear the critics now, “Where is the church? Why doesn’t the church take a stand against terrorism, adultery, price gougers, oppressors, etc…”

Third, the churches I have been a part of have always communicated the need all of us have for Grace, Mercy, and the righteousness imputed to us through the person of Christ. In other words there is this judgment that will come from God, this wrath leveled against both the sin and the sinner that we can only escape by the blood of Jesus. The gospel is the story we all hate when we want to continue in our sin because it is not a license for evil but a call to repentance. Salvation is free, but sanctification requires facing our sins, working to worship God through our actions, and continued synergism with God (HS) as we progress towards a Holy life.

Last, the churches response toward sin is reconciliation not permission. It appears that those who sin don’t want reconciliation, but permission to continue in sin. We have been given the ministry of reconciliation not appeasement. In other words those who level the accusation of judgmentalism against the church are not being intellectually honest in most cases. They are mad because the church will not support them in their sin. It is good and right for the church to take moral stands as all the prophets in the scriptures did and as Jesus himself did. It is not right for the church to disregard a person who is reconciling with God, facing their sin, and repenting. That would be judgmentalism.

I know this accusation will be leveled against the church from now until Jesus comes again. I know it will come from those inside the church almost as often as it comes from people outside the church. I know there are churches who are judgmental, and I know there are probably people in virtually every church who are judgmental. Still, I will no longer allow this challenge to go unanswered as if it is true in all churches or even most churches. I will (as I did last week) challenge those who make this claim. I will ask them how we have been judgmental. I will ask them questions about taking moral stands and how we can do that without coming across in a judgmental way. I will love those who feel this way, walk with them toward reconciliation, help them to repent, extend God’s grace and mercy through my hands, feet, and words, but I will no longer validate accusations of judgmentalism where they are not warranted.